Nikkie Payne's a Class Act

Plumes of enjoyment rippled across the seemingly unsuspecting crowd within seconds of Nikki Payne's comedy show at Class Act Dinner Theatre, Whitby on June 30th 2011. Her crude sense of humor was welcomed with open-arms by everyone involved - including those whose sense of humor isn't remotely similar (I would know because I'm one of those people).

 Payne's not exactly charming but is most definitely charismatic - she seriously knows how to work the stage.

Class Act's Glenn Ottoway warmed the crowd up exceptionally. Inducing perpetual chortles, chuckles, and even roars. The actual opener seemed to have some competition here.

And the theatre itself? If you love personal, intimate, and elegant then this is the perfect place for you. It's comfortable atmosphere only increases and sustains the level of entertainment that goes on. It's really 'never a dull moment.'

"I don't give advice to young people because...well, I don't care," exclaimed the opener, Mark Walker. Payne gave the crowd a taste of herself as she enthusiastically introduced him - of course, this was after 'Hey Mickie  Nikki!' came on and she blasted her way onto the stage in a dance-frenzy, repeatedly smacking her ass - er, bottom.

Back to Walker, this guy had a refreshing combination of silly, dry, awkward, and shock humour - ensuring to please all sides of the audience. He fostered laughter and even managed to maintain it. People definitely found him entertaining.

"I'm going to keep talking until someone applauses to end this speech..." he awkwardly proclaimed. Ensue laughter and an overwhelming, obliging applause.

'Miss Nikki's Weekly Horoscope,' a low-quality video with high-quality-awesome marks the beginning of Payne's act. This hilarious video describes a couple of astrological signs with crude suedo-horoscopes.

After smacking her ass for an uncomfortable amount of time, Nikki turned to the audience and said, "Look mom, I'm classy!"

The audience was overwhelmed with Nikki's antics.

"I'm a little dirty," she exclaimed, as if we didn't already deduct that.

Rocky Varcoe, runner up in the latest municipal election accepted that he was going to feel the brunt of some Nikki's jokes throughout the night. Rocky was 'Rocko' for the night. Whenever the audience shouted: "Go get her Rocko!" Rocky had to get up on stage and spank Nikki.

"That's like all the fuckin' things I can't say in one word that describes what the fuck is wrong with me," Nikki said in regards to the word 'lisp'.

Nikki expressive and grandeur movements only encouraged laughter from the audience. The show flowed exceptionally well.

"Do you have stupid people in your life?" Nikki asked, "If you don't then you're the fucking stupid one."

The audience's roaring and rolling around at this point. Laughing to the point of death (not literally, of course, though I don't know why that should even require a disclaimer).

Nikki's definitely not afraid to make her audience feel uncomfortable: "Vagina's fart... that's a miracle."

"I think every time a vagina farts, an angel gets its wings."

There was a tattoo on Nikki's shoulder that represented the time she gave her dad a kidney. He was reluctant to let her do so and her response to that went something like this: "You're taking this kidney even if I have to cut it out my-fucking-self and stuff it down your fucking throat."

At this point in time, the audience was literally howling with laughter. I looked at the person seated next to me and she was actually crying. My abdomen muscles were hurting too.

When Nikki read an except from a satirical romance novel that she wrote, the audience's response hardly changed. It was all about a homeless man bringing a woman back to his "cardboard boudoir."

To conclude her hour long performance, 'Hey Micky" echoed through the theatre as Nikki stripped on stage, revealing her breasts with faces drawn on them and  writing: "Who's afraid of Virginia Wolfe?"

Her spanks even had a "piss flap."

Ms. Payne was truly a class act.