Nikkie Payne's a Class Act

Plumes of enjoyment rippled across the seemingly unsuspecting crowd within seconds of Nikki Payne's comedy show at Class Act Dinner Theatre, Whitby on June 30th 2011. Her crude sense of humor was welcomed with open-arms by everyone involved - including those whose sense of humor isn't remotely similar (I would know because I'm one of those people).

 Payne's not exactly charming but is most definitely charismatic - she seriously knows how to work the stage.

Class Act's Glenn Ottoway warmed the crowd up exceptionally. Inducing perpetual chortles, chuckles, and even roars. The actual opener seemed to have some competition here.

And the theatre itself? If you love personal, intimate, and elegant then this is the perfect place for you. It's comfortable atmosphere only increases and sustains the level of entertainment that goes on. It's really 'never a dull moment.'

"I don't give advice to young people because...well, I don't care," exclaimed the opener, Mark Walker. Payne gave the crowd a taste of herself as she enthusiastically introduced him - of course, this was after 'Hey Mickie  Nikki!' came on and she blasted her way onto the stage in a dance-frenzy, repeatedly smacking her ass - er, bottom.

Back to Walker, this guy had a refreshing combination of silly, dry, awkward, and shock humour - ensuring to please all sides of the audience. He fostered laughter and even managed to maintain it. People definitely found him entertaining.

"I'm going to keep talking until someone applauses to end this speech..." he awkwardly proclaimed. Ensue laughter and an overwhelming, obliging applause.

'Miss Nikki's Weekly Horoscope,' a low-quality video with high-quality-awesome marks the beginning of Payne's act. This hilarious video describes a couple of astrological signs with crude suedo-horoscopes.

After smacking her ass for an uncomfortable amount of time, Nikki turned to the audience and said, "Look mom, I'm classy!"

The audience was overwhelmed with Nikki's antics.

"I'm a little dirty," she exclaimed, as if we didn't already deduct that.

Rocky Varcoe, runner up in the latest municipal election accepted that he was going to feel the brunt of some Nikki's jokes throughout the night. Rocky was 'Rocko' for the night. Whenever the audience shouted: "Go get her Rocko!" Rocky had to get up on stage and spank Nikki.

"That's like all the fuckin' things I can't say in one word that describes what the fuck is wrong with me," Nikki said in regards to the word 'lisp'.

Nikki expressive and grandeur movements only encouraged laughter from the audience. The show flowed exceptionally well.

"Do you have stupid people in your life?" Nikki asked, "If you don't then you're the fucking stupid one."

The audience's roaring and rolling around at this point. Laughing to the point of death (not literally, of course, though I don't know why that should even require a disclaimer).

Nikki's definitely not afraid to make her audience feel uncomfortable: "Vagina's fart... that's a miracle."

"I think every time a vagina farts, an angel gets its wings."

There was a tattoo on Nikki's shoulder that represented the time she gave her dad a kidney. He was reluctant to let her do so and her response to that went something like this: "You're taking this kidney even if I have to cut it out my-fucking-self and stuff it down your fucking throat."

At this point in time, the audience was literally howling with laughter. I looked at the person seated next to me and she was actually crying. My abdomen muscles were hurting too.

When Nikki read an except from a satirical romance novel that she wrote, the audience's response hardly changed. It was all about a homeless man bringing a woman back to his "cardboard boudoir."

To conclude her hour long performance, 'Hey Micky" echoed through the theatre as Nikki stripped on stage, revealing her breasts with faces drawn on them and  writing: "Who's afraid of Virginia Wolfe?"

Her spanks even had a "piss flap."

Ms. Payne was truly a class act.

Marshall Dane

Marshall Dane's boot-stomping, interactive performance rocked The Roi  for three hours on June 10th, 2011. This charismatic, St. Catherines-native country-star captivates his audience the moment he steps into the spot light. His rock and roll/country image meets and exceeds expectations that some people have on modern country artists. This laid-back cowboy isn't just a pretty face, he's also a talented individual whose charm and genuinity are prevelent during his performances.

To paraphrase Marshall, when he and his energetic crew walked into The Roi, they couldn't help but think that it was a pleasant, big, and clean venue. The staff was considerate, accomodating, and nothing but courteous. The stage was in a great location and the sound was exceptional. Marshall "would definitely return and would really like to pump [The Roi] up."

During his show at The Roi, Marshall also sang classic hits such as Reno by Johnny Cash, Tom Cochrane's Life is a Highway, and Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy by Big & Rich. His performance was enthralling and interactive. At one point in time he sang 'Happy Birthday' to an audience member, faked a stage dive as a joke, and even crawled down from the stage to dance with his fans.

Marshall let's nothing get in the way of a good performance. During the show, one of his guitar strings snapped and he recovered quickly and smoothly, replacing it just in time for his next verse.

"I'm trying to establish myself," exclaims Marshall, who is currently touring Ontario, from Parry Sound to Hamilton, debuting his newest album 'Running Stop Signs' - released August 2010. This adventurous star is also stopping in P.E.I and is touring the Arctic in August.

This will be Marshall's fourth time touring the Arctic. This is, evidently, one of his most inspirational and awe-inspiring trips of the year - he tours up to ten communities, enters the village guitar-in-hand and just plays. Each community varies in population but he plays his heart out regardless.

When hearing Marshall speak about his past tours, it's obvious that this experience is perpetually profound and peaceful - "All of a sudden you see an iceberg or a polar bear trotting along a snow beach. It makes you dig a little deeper, you know, try a little harder." This nature-loving guy describes the tranquility as "God and Mother Nature doing a dance."

So where else does Marshall draw his inspiration from? "Simple," he says, "life. Everything from the good times and the bad times... other peoples' stories too. The life journey, to me, is interesting."

In 2009, Marshall won 95.3 B FMs Big Break Competition, this moment was "huge, huge, huge" and eventually lead to an agent coming to the Emerson Drive show that he was opening for. As a result, his single 'Love and Alcohol' debuted on the radio - exposing his excellence to the world.

Marshall leaves with us a few words of wisdom: "I would say that a general rule to progression in life is to keep making moments happen," which is exactly what he has been doing.

Check out http://www.marshalldane.com/ and order his new album 'Running Stop Signs.' When you order an album online you'll receive an autographed copy!

Be sure to watch out for his new single, 'I needed this.'

Interview with Brian Vollmer of Helix

The following interview was done over e-mail.

An exclusive interview with singer/song-writer Brian Vollmer of Helix, who has been a driving force in the band for over 30 years. Helix played at The Roi in Oshawa, Ontario on June 17th 2011 through WeRock Entertainment. Exhibiting both fortitude and stamina, the band has been writing, playing, and performing music since 1979 - with 22 albums to prove it and more to come. The band has had over 30 members but Vollmer has been the lead vocalist since the beginning.

How did you feel about the show and venue itself?

I thought the band played well and the people who were there rocked.  A bigger crowd would have been nice, but we play for the people who come, not the ones that don't.

Would you ever work with WeRock Entertainment again? Either at The Roi or a different venue?

Promoter was nice.   Totally together.  The bar on the other hand was out of sync with the promoter.  The guy couldn't get supper together for my guys.  That's pretty basic.

I understand that the turn out at The Roi wasn’t particularly booming, does this affect your performance at all?

No.  We play the same regardless. 

Helix has obviously been around for a long time; did you ever think you would have so many albums out?

No.  I thought I'd be dead by 40. LOL. 

Which of your albums holds the most importance to you and why?

The next one because I haven't written it yet.

It’s my understanding that Helix has had a lot of members over the past several years, this generally cracks the foundation of a band, what compelled you to keep making music? What makes Helix different?

I've always been the captain of this ship regardless of who the crew is.  Two years ago I got the original band back together minus Paul Hackman, who is dead.  We've never looked back.  As for why I keep writing music-that's what I do. I'm a song writer.  That's what gives me my biggest high- even more than being onstage.  What makes Helix different?  The guys in the band who have been individually doing this for over 30 years.  You can't get showmanship/musicianship like that in 2 months or 2 years.  It takes a lifetime.

What is your inspiration?

Personal experience and things I pick up from everyday speech or in the newspaper/on radio.

Who are your influences?

Robert Planet, Rod Stewart, John Kay, Steve Marriot, David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Bonn Scott, Brian Johnson, Johnny Cash

What was a pivotal moment in your career? When did you realize that you were on the right path and that this was something you really wanted to continue doing?

Dunno.  I knew I wanted to be a performer from a very early age.  I was a pimply fat kid who couldn't get a date.  It was the only thing I could do half assed well and which attracted attention to myself.

Do you have any on-the-road stories? Care to share?

You can read 'em all in my autobiography "Gimme an R" or by going to www.planethelix.com and reading the interesting facts and stories.

Any last parting words for our readers?

There are a lot of Canadian classic artists out there still producing music.  I think the way Canadian radio ignores us is shameful. I'm not asking for any special treatment- I just want program directors to base whether or not they play our music on the strength of the songs, not our age.  Many stations won't give us the time of day and don't even listen to new releases by classic rock artists. If the Canadian content ruling of the CRTC is to get more exposure for Canadian music, then please explain to me how playing "Here for a Good Time" by Trooper or "Oowhatanight" by April Wine to fill that music quota on Classic Rock playlists does that. Listen, if you haven't bought Hot Shots or Stand Back by now (they've been out over 30 years) then you're never going to buy them!  Also explain to me how we can't get airplay in our own hometown of London, Ontario and yet we sell out here everytime we play the city. Bullshit.
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As Brian mentioned above, you can read more here about himself and the band here: 

http://www.planethelix.com/MainMenu.htm

The band's website also includes updates on the band's progress, their schedule, merchandise, band bios, history, music, videos,  photos and more.